Hello Wig Lovers!
Our question today comes from Melody in Texas, who asked:
How do you bring up to a new person you’re interested in that you wear wigs?
Hi Melody! Questions about communication are actually one of the most-asked ones in the therapy field. One thing that most people have a hard time discussing is just how vulnerable communicating effectively and authentically can be (especially when you really like a person and care a lot about what they think).
An exercise that we sometimes use in therapy is called the ‘empty chair technique’. It’s pretty self-explanatory, but let me clarify what the basis is from a psychological perspective. A lot of times when we communicate with other people, whether we view the communication as ‘successful’ or not depends almost entirely on what the response is from the other person. The challenge is beginning to view communication from our end as separate from the end result of the situation or context of that communication. For instance, I may communicate very well toward a guy who asks for my number, but his response (positive or negative) is often what I would use to judge whether it was a pleasant or meaningful exchange. The empty chair technique (from now on to be called the ECT) is useful because it teaches us how to value our communication based on our own standards.
Some questions that I would encourage you to ask yourself are these:
The ECT is helpful on the basis that it teaches us how we want to communicate our feelings or thoughts without having to consider the other person. Ultimately, communicating effectively comes from a place of personal-validation and genuineness. What tends to happen when we practice communicating this way is that the response becomes less important to us than knowing that we represented ourselves to the best of our ability.
So pull up a chair in a quiet place, put a teddy bear or plant or sock puppet on it, and practice communicating to this person you are thinking of in a way that makes you feel proud and validated (FROM YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVE). Consider the setting that would make you most comfortable, because space and timing is also important (at home before you watch a movie, out in a quiet café, right before you say goodnight on your doorstep?).
And I have to add this because I have a real feminist streak, Melody—all gender identities, sexual orientations, ages, and other human qualities included, a person who is unable to handle an authentic, vulnerable, open conversation about something (anything) you feel self-conscious about (or makes you feel bad about it), is NOT worth your time and emotional energy.
With love and peace. Until next time. Signing off,
Dr. Moon Kitty
